Bella's Shower Fun
by Logan Emery
Summary: It's Bella's Time of the month. She takes a shower. Edward shows up. Singing songs and breaking down bathroom doors...The other chapters are short funny stories involving Harry Potter, Wands and a teddy bear. I just added a new chapter on 5/7/08 YAY!
1. Chapter 1

Enjoy it. I was laughing when I thought it up. R&R alright? Thank you.

Nobody's POV:

Bella groaned, this was the forth cramp in twenty minutes, ''Stupid period." she muttered under her breath. Bella had been taking Advil to relieve her pain and it wasn't working. She was close to taking the pills like they were candy. '_Gah! I want to damn the person that invented Advil to hell and back!' _she thought.

Finally, Bella decided the only way to remove the pain was to take a nice long hot shower. She sighed and got up from her spot on the bed, heading for the shower.

Her thoughts drifted to Edward, _'God it would really suck if he saw—er--smelled me like this!'_ she thought. Just the thought made her blush like a tomato. Luckily, Edward was out hunting with his family for the rest of the weekend, so Bella, was fine. By Monday this would be over and she would be perfectly, cramp free. With a quick movement of her wrist, the shower was on and hot water was coming out. Bella removed her clothes and went in.

_Meanwhile..._

_dramatic music plays in background..._

Edward Cullen's POV

_'I wonder what a bear and a llama would taste like...' _Emmett's thoughts hit me pretty hard in the quite of the hunting area.

"Emmett!" I groaned, "Are you really that stupid?"

Alice walked over to where I was sitting, "You know Edward, since your full, just go and check on Bella back home. I just had a vision of her, she's not feeling to well."

My head shot up, Bella? In trouble? Sick? With a nod I ran towards my car,

_dramatic music dum da dum daaaaaaa._

_To Bella! Awayyyy!_

Bella's POV:

I had been in the shower a total of five minutes and so far, I was cramp free, being as happy as I was, I started to sing.

"To the left, to the left! Everything you own in the box to lefffftttt..." I was trying to hit that high note and failing miserably.

Nope, I needed a new song...

"I'M NOT GONNA WRITE YOU A LOVE SONG!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, still having fun. All I needed was a rubber ducky and this day would have been complete.

I turned around to look for my shampoo, when...

I fell.

"Shit!" I groaned. Then, I herd something that scared the crap out of me...

Edwards POV;

I had been sitting in Bella's bedroom for a few minutes when I herd her sing in the shower...

"_To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the lefffffttttt!" _she shouted. I chuckled.

Then, she changed songs and resulted to yelling...

"_I'M NOT GONNA WRITE YOU A LOVE SONG!!"_ Resisting the urge to burst out laughing, I waited for the next song she would sing when I herd a crash... and an "Ah shit!" I ran closer to the door and I smelled blood...

Bella's POV:

"Bella? BELLA!" Edward shouted('_What the hell is Edward doing here??_') trying to open the bathroom door which I had thankfully locked, "_Are you stupid_?" a voice ran through my head, "_Yeah a wooden door is going to keep HIM out_."

I groaned.

"Edward..." I yelled to him, "I'm fine. Just..go away." the frantic pounding on my door did not stop.

"Bella, I smell blood! Open the door!"

My eyes widened. He smelt blood? I only tripped in the shower I wasn't bleeding or-- "Oh shit." I muttered when I realized what he was thinking.

"Edward! I'm not bleeding now go away!" I told him trying to keep him out.

"Bella! I smell blood!"

I looked around frantic, I needed to think of a plan... "Uh..I killed a mouse before! That's the blood you smell!" I told him from in the shower shaking my head, I was an idiot.

"Bella" his voice was sarcastic now, "It's your blood I smell."

_DAMN HIS NOSE._

"Uh..." I needed to think of something else, "A mouse with my blood was walking around?"

"Well, before you killed it..." he told me, I could hear his disbelief.

"Edward!" I faked a sob, "That could have been my twin! My long lost twin...mouse..."

I herd a BANG and I knew Edward had broken down my bathroom door, "NO GO AWAY!" I shouted from the bottom of the shower...

"Bella where are you hurt--oh." I herd him trail off embarrassed, he had finally realized what was going on. _'DAMN him!'_

"Can you please...just go." I mumbled.

"Uh...are you okay? Do you need anything?"

I shook my head, even though he could not see me. "Just go."

"Right...I'll see you Monday..." he said, and then left.

I got out of the shower and looked down at my clothes, what he had seen the second he walked into the room.

My underwear. Dammit.

I left the bathroom with one thought in my mind,

_'I really hope it doesn't cause this big of a problem on our wedding night...'_

R&R loves!


	2. Chapter 2

**You like me? YOU REALLY LIKE ME!**

**-sobs and dances-**

**Oh, yay!**

**This was going to be a once shot, but three hours after I posted the first chapter, SOMEONE (who will be named...nameless) -cough- NICOLE -cough- said if I did not update it, I would be shot and killed and fed to some werewolf's...and the last thing I need is Jake (EW) feeding on my corpse. I'd be MUCH happier with Edward doing the job...-sighs-**

**Out of all of my reviews, I have to say, I love these two people the most.**

**I LOVE YOU ALL BUT THESE GUYS ARE COOL. Haha..**

**Treehugger1427- gave me an idea for the plot. I owe you. She really owns this, I just put the insanity into words.**

**IheartJaske1220- Alright, your a Jacob fan, -spits- I'll forgive you only because your review was awesome and your profile rocks my toe socks off.**

**No really, you guys think I'm funny? You all should head straight for the loony bin. Haha.**

**Here is the insanity...**

**Plot: It's some random girls time of the month, she attends school only to face...-gasp- the Cullen's HOW will Jasper survive? How will EDWARD survive? How will I the writer survive? I might just drop dead(pretty please) from all this gasping!!**

_dramatic music plays_

_dum dum da dummmmm_

Bella POV

Monday finally rolled around, after everything that had happened with Edward the other day, it came too soon.

I did NOT want to see Edward Cullen, for the first time in my life.

I PRAYED that Alice had not had a vision of what happened, but I knew if she did, Jasper would know about it. And that soon followed Emmett (I grimaced) and Rosalie. And then soon, the entire family would know about my ''long lost twin mouse'' Damn my quick thinking...

I got out of my truck when I herd the first bell ring, all I needed to do was get through ONE day without seeing Edward. I could do that! It would be easy!

I'll even make a bet with myself. If I ignore Edward all day and I never see him, I'll give myself three dollars.

"Hello Bella."

_I just lost three dollars._

"Edward." I whispered, blushing, "How are you?"

He smiled, "Fine, how was your weekend?"

I froze, he HAD to mention that. I managed to croak out an "Eventful" before blushing even more.

He arched an eye brow, "I see. Can I walk you too class?"

I sighed, I might as well get this over with. "Sure." As we where walking I mumbled, "Damn three dollars."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(AN: -goes cross eyed-)

Bella POV (still.)

The beginning of the day had gone by pretty fast. I had one class with Edward in the morning and then After Lunch (which I spent with the Cullen's anyway..) I had a bunch of classes with Emmett, Alice, and Jasper. Today, I was loosing more than three dollars.

Now, it was lunch. I walked over to the familiar table I always sat at, slowly, the Cullen's arrived.

"Hello Bella!" Emmett said with an evil grin, "You know I have a funny story to tell you..."

"Emmett don't..." Edward warned, but the man was unstoppable.

"We where hunting the other day, and BAM I saw a mouse. And you know what was the first thing I thought of?" he said.

My head slowly hit the lunch table, as his big laughter boomed, "YOUR LONG LOST TWIN!"

_Damn you Edward._

"Emmett shut up, Bella, get over it." Rosalie said in an annoyed tone. _Oh yeah, sure. Listen to the woman who has NOT been going through this in what, ninety years? Is she even a WOMAN anymore?_

I was going to respond, maybe with a sarcastic comment. Many of which were floating around in my head, but I did not say anything, last thing I needed was Rosalie Hale killing me...

Suddenly, a loud roar ripped through the cafeteria, my first thought was, _'Lions! Tigers! Bears! OH SHIT!' _and then, my brain started to work and I realized, _'what the hell would a bunch of zoo animals be doing in a school cafeteria?' _I turned to see Jasper Hale, screaming in pain.

His normally gold eyes were a midnight black.

Emmett and Edward were trying to get him out of the lunch room, of course being who we were, everyone was staring at us. Rosalie kept pushing Jasper's arm and muttering, "Hold your breath, moron!"

I watched Jasper fight against Emmett's arms, he stopped roaring and merely growled.

_'Well,'_ said some part of my brain,_ 'someone has anger issues' _I quickly quited that part of my brain, Jasper need help now...but really, what the hell was going on?

Alice turned to me and saw the look on my face, "There's a girl in here who's getting her...well...let's just say Jasper isn't...dammit! Don't punch him Emmett!" The Cullen's rushed to remove Jasper from the room. Finally, he was gone, I raced after them.

"Dammit Jasper! I thought you had more control!" Edward hissed, clearly angry. Jasper blinked once, then twice. His eyes were a golden color once more.

"It's not my fault." he mumbled, Edward glared at him.

"Okay...so...I believe this is one of those 'oh crap moments' followed by another, 'fill in the stupid human' moments." I mumbled, five pairs of confused eyes found me...I blushed, "Uh..never mind. Just tell me what's going on."

"Nothing." Jasper said glancing at Edward's glare.

"Nothing?" I repeated, "Jasper, I know the food in school is bad, but not THAT bad! You don't see me getting up from my seat_ ROARING_ because the pizza tastes like dog shit! Now, really, come on."

Alice giggled, "Bella. Jasper is not good around blood, someone was...bleeding. A girl. Do the math."

"I—oh..."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Yeah."

Jasper looked embarrassed. Everyone was silent for a few moments.

"So, Bella," Emmett asked, "About this long lost twin of yours..."

I glared at him, "Emmett, shut up now or I'll sick my boyfriend on you."

_dramatic music ends_

_dum dum da dum daaaa dum dum da dum dum dum daaa da daaaaa_

I love you all.

Logaaan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys, I'm no doctor. How the hell was I to know that it was dead blood?**

**I DON'T CARE.**

**My story. My...er...changes.**

**And guys, My spelling sucks. I have no beta. I suck, -sobs- I'm sorry. If you are one of those crazy-spelling-people that run around correcting people's spelling, ...**

**IM SRY I SUX SO BAD MY SPELLIN CUZ I NEVR PASSED SKOOL.**

**Haha, I am kidding, sorry if I burn your eyes.**

**YAY! YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!**

**So, I'll continue this, (I had NO idea this would end up being so...funny.)**

**The plot, I made up on my own this time -dances-**

**Well, enjoy it.**

Bellas POV

One week had passed since Jasper's little problem in the cafeteria, the cover story was a little hard to explain.

We told our school that Jasper was on some kind of drugs to help with him _'multiple personalities'_ and that he was taken off the drugs and had an...attack of some kind. I didn't really care and neither did the school, you see, Edward flashed them a dazzling smile and they were fine with it. Rosalie just plain _flashed_ them. Our principal will _never_ look at her the same way again. Well, if I do say so myself, the Cullen's sure can dazzle people.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett shouted, his voice rang through the nearly empty Cullen house. I glanced up from the book I was reading.

"Yeah Emmett?" I asked, I saw him enter the room with a small white box in his hand

"I got you a gift!" He stated proudly and thrust the box into my hands.

"Thanks I think..." I trailed off.

He grinned at me and took the top of the box off. I SCREAMED.

Inside the box was a white mouse. I dropped the box in surprise, luckily Emmett caught it.

"See?" he asked, "It's your twin!" he was laughing very hard at this point. I glared at him.

"Get that thing away from me, NOW Emmett!"

He lost his grin, "What am I going to do with it?"

"I dunno...eat it."

"Bella" he whined, "It's a mouse..."

I laughed, Mr. Big and scary was too scared to eat a mouse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(an: faints)

"What the HELL IS THIS?" Edward's voice shouted, yelling at me.

It was Friday night, I was invited over to the Cullen's home to watch a movie, this time, I got to pick the movie.

We had been watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire, about five minutes into the movie...Edward starts screaming. I wonder why...

"Edward, calm down it's just Harry Potter..." I said trying to calm him down...

"Not him! THAT guy!" He pointed a thin pale finger at the screen, we all turned to see Cedric Diggory jump down from a tree and greet Harry.

"That's...Cedric. Do you have a problem with Cedric?" I asked him. Alice was giggling.

"He...but he...looks like Edward." Jasper said, laughing. Alice nodded in agreement through her giggles.

"CEDDIE POO!" Emmett shouted at the screen then, moved to hug Edward.

Edward growled, "I'm not in Harry Potter."

"Edward," I said sternly, "Calm down, alright? We won't watch any more movies with wizards in them."

"No, Bella, that's not the problem it's that--"

"You hate people with wands, I get it. No need to be rude about it." I said, nodding.

"Rude about it...what? I don't have a problem with people with wands, I have a problem with him--"

"Because he has a wand." I said nodding. _I get the boy a damn stick if he wants one, maybe that might make him happy..._

"No Bella, not because he has a wand--" Edward said before being interrupted by Emmett.

"Because his wand is longer than yours?" he asked, innocently.

Everyone started cracking up, Edward looked angry. **(AN: If you are retarded, like myself, there is a double meaning to the word WAND. Think long and hard and maybe you'll figure it out. Hint: It's something Bella wants...) **

Emmett turned to me, "Bella, how long is Cedric's wand?"

I turned bright red and mumbled, "Elven inches..."

Edward growled, _"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!"_

I glared at him, "I read the Harry Potter books, dummy."

He instantly quieted. "Oh."

Emmett turned to me and asked innocently, "So, how long is Harry's wand?"

**(If you guys did not get the wand part at all, I'm sorry. I'm a total idiot.**

**Wand Edward's ding-dong (XDDDDD) **


	4. Chapter 4

**I love you all SO much. Here is a new chapter.**

**LOOOOVE YOU ALL!**

Bella POV

Emmett and I had come up with a plan to trick Edward.

It was innocent enough, but it would drive him crazy...

"Edward?" I asked. He was sitting next to me in the living room of his house.

"Yes love?"

"I have..." I gasped trying to sound dramatic, "something to tell you..." I trailed off, giving him some dramatic looks and gasped again.

He arched an eye brow.. "What do you need to tell me?"

"I'm Pregnant!" I grinned happily as his face lost whatever color he had left. His mouth hung open.

I giggled(like Emmett had suggested) like a crazy person.

"_YOUR WHAT??"_

I pouted, "It's not my fault. It's Emmett's fault."

He stared at me wide-eyed in shock,_ "EMMETT GOT YOU PREGNANT?"_

There was a crash from upstairs and some female screaming, I guess Emmett forgot to tell Rosalie about the joke...

"I'm naming the baby Cedric." I said giggling again, "Isn't that such an AMAZING name?"

Edward stared at me, again...

Suddenly, I had an idea, "EDWARD!" I shrieked, "The baby just kicked me!!" I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach.

"_DO YOU FEEL IT?_" I asked, gasping dramatically.

I was so close to bursting out laughing...he was staring at me, still. God only know what was going through his mind...

"I—uh...love...well..." he stumbled for words.

Another loud CRASH was herd upstairs and we both turned to see Emmett racing down the stairs, Rosalie following him, throwing shoes at his head.

"You _NO GOOD_ stupid _MORONIC IDIOTIC HUSBAND_!" She would puncture each word with another shoe to his head...

Emmett saw he and Edward and grinned, "So Bella, did you tell Edward about our little Cedric?"

The next thing I new, Edward growled and attacked Emmett. They were fighting and it was _hilarious_!

"Edward" I whispered, knowing he could hear me, "I'm not pregnant."

His head shot up and he stopped ramming Emmett's face into the wall and turned to look at me.

"I was kidding." I told him, "It was a joke Emmett and I came up with to tease you."

He looked really mad now...he stepped on Emmett(who was lying on the floor..still being attacked by Rosalie.) and walked over to me.

"Never...scare me like that..again." he told me as he pulled me into a possessive kiss.

"Alright Cedric--I mean Edward."

_dramatic music..._

_dum dum dum daaaaaa dum dum dum daaaa!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Enjoy lovely people of...the world. XD Have fun reading this! I love you all!**

**(Also, I came up with the plot in Latin class today as I was smelling my very clean shirt. XD I was dead bored and I needed something to do...enjoy!)**

**Last Chapter: Bella's POV still...**

"Alright Cedric—I mean Edward." _(A.N Bella says this)_

"What?" Edward asked, I gulped.

"Uh—Edward. I'm sorry and I'll never pretend to be pregnant again..." I told him.

He still looked shocked, then slowly his face turned to anger, "You called me Cedric."

I froze.. "I didn't mean to..."

He growled, "Is THAT what this is? Your cheating on me with some guy named CEDRIC? Don't lie to me Bella, I can smell him _all _over you. What type of a crappy smell is that for a guy? It smells like flowers...is he gay?" Edward rambled on...

"I'm not cheating on you.."

"He's GAY isn't he? I KNEW IT! Bella, do NOT lie to me I can smell him...all over you! Even places I haven't been!"

I glared at him, "I am NOT cheating on you, Edward!" He didn't listen to me, just kept rambling.

"I bet he's at your house now. Come on, let's go meet this 'Cedric', I'm going to KILL him..."

I sighed and walked with Edward to his car as he shouted at himself and a man called Cedric.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(wheeee)

Bella's POV at her House

The second we pulled into my driveway, Edward took a long deep breath and glared at me, "I can smell him in your house." I glared at him. _Oh yes, I always have wizards come to my house to play magic tricks with me! This situation makes SO much sense!!_

Edward grabbed my hand and we ran into the house, he pulled me up the stairs and we stopped in fron of the wash room. (AN**: It's a room where there is a washer and dryer for clothes. Use your imagination.)**

"He's in here, I can smell him." Edward said with a growl. I was still confused, _What is Cedric Diggory doing in there? Trying on my clean clothes?_

A split second later, Edward ran into the door, smashing it in half growling into the room.

He stopped when he realized no one was in the room.

I herd him mumble something stupid and he grabbed the bottle of _Bounty Cleaning Supplies _**(You know the ones with the Teddy Bear on them?)**

"He—huh?" Edward said, shooting confused looks at the bottle.

I smirked, "Did you find Cedric, sweetie?" Edward glared at me again.

"Yes I did!" He stated proudly, "He is in this bottle! Bella, you are cheating on me with a Genie!"

And with those words, Edward Cullen proceeded to rub the bottle muttering about 'Crappy Genies'.

**Not my best.**

**Sorry! :(**

**I lost my muse a while ago..**

**Send me suggestions for the next chapter or there will not be another update!**

**Lots of Love,**

**LOGAN Baby. :)**


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